I’m excited to finally get this thing recorded and released, and I’m even more excited to announce that I seem to have identified and resolved the issue of audio interference that has plagued a couple of our recent episodes. It seems to have been caused by some electrical cables being intertwined with the XLRs connecting our mics to the audio interface.
On a strangely personal note, I had a brief moral debate with myself about the secret sound on this episode. There is some vitriol that was recorded while I was out of the room, directed at a person I had a toxic friendship with for most of the last year. Every time I referenced on the show how bad my Summer was, it was mostly because of this so-called friend abandoning me, without explanation. I don’t think anyone’s ever done me like that. It was one of the heaviest emotional losses I ever suffered, due in no small part to the fact that this supposed friend had manipulated me into being something of a lapdog, and when she vanished, I was confused and hurt. Worse, we worked together, and the last place I saw her—and only saw her, as I was driving by—was near my house. So everyday I go to work and am reminded of her absence by the things we used to do, the roles she used to fill, the many people she let down…and on my way home, I’m reminded of seeing her. Every. Single. Workday.
Getting over it has been hard, and I’m not there yet. And I didn’t like people being mean about her when she was abusing me emotionally, and I haven’t liked it since, because I still thought of her as a friend. But part of learning to cope has been learning to get mad instead of feel hurt. Learning to see her as abusive and cruel, rather than give her the benefit of the doubt. And when I was editing the episode and got to hear what Jon and Brooke had been giggling about while I was out of the room, it warmed my heart. Not that they called this former friend a bad person, but that they were sticking up for me. Being real friends.
So, while it felt a little shitty leaving it in, it also made me feel good, because I do have friends who love me. And they’re the ones who stick around. And record podcasts.
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