Edit: I did come back the next morning and finish it. It was awful.
I don’t believe in claiming an opinion on movies without watching them to their conclusions. But this is one of the cringiest, shittiest, most cynical franchise production pieces of garbage I’ve ever tried to sit through and I simply cannot do it.
It’s like the movie equivalent to when a Marvel film kind of pokes fun at how silly the names of its characters (created for 70s comic books) are. It has no ideas, but pretends that that’s the point, and can’t we have some fun with it?
No, we fucking can’t.
Everything about this brainless, idea-free movie is lazy under the guise of pandering. It is cheaply made; it looks less authentic and more heavily green screened than the original, despite costing three times as much.
Two and a half hours? Like everything else Warner Bros is making, it is clear that this dumpster fire was a business move first (and second, and maybe third) and a creative project last. I don’t care how many arguments you or the film want to make for Lana Wachowski’s attachment being better than nothing in a world where this film was going to happen either way; better than nothing in a shitty ultimatum situation is not a good thing.
I am no fanboy of the originals. The first one is fine. The second one is boring. I never saw the third one all the way through. I just need to state that.
I’ll finish this someday. Maybe tomorrow. But this is one of those movies I that is so upsettingly, nauseatingly gross that I just cannot force myself to sit through it tonight. I am embarrassed that this movie was made. I am embarrassed that people don’t seem to realize what phoned-in, brand-first schlock it is. I can’t help you with that. If you cannot see this piece of shit for what it really is, then I’ve got some red-pill-blue-pill metaphors I’d like to direct you toward.
This is a copy of the review on my Letterboxd profile. There, I rated it 2/10.