Sometimes you write a blog entry while thinking you’re connected to your college’s wifi, but you’re not, and when WordPress gets locked up trying to update, you mean to hit Command+A to select everything for copying, but you accidentally hit Command+W because you’re frustrated, and close out of your unsaved blog post, and you tell yourself there’s no fucking way I’m going to sit here and write that all again right now, which is also why you never finished Final Fantasy VII after you got stuck in the desert swamp with the Basilisk because you accidentally saved there, and you promise yourself that at some point you are going to write the post for Sleepy Hollow, it just can’t be right now, but you know in the back of your mind that there’s no way this post is ever actually going to get written, and you’re not proud of yourself, but you pack up your shit and go home because it’s been a long day.
Disney’s 2019 remake of Dumbo, the problematic but otherwise lovable 1941 classic, is a perfect example of why these remakes should not be made.
I had low expectations going into Dumbo for a variety of reasons. While I haven’t seen any of the “live-action” (read: CG+) remakes of Disney’s remarkable older films before this one, popular consensus has been that they have been all over the place in terms of quality and worthiness to exist. Lindsay Ellis made an excellent video essay last year about the Beauty and the Beastremake, which I can’t recommend enough. In it, she details the ways in which, on paper, it is a shot-for-shot remake (so why should it exist at all?) and in practice, it misses the point or over-explains things that don’t need to be, and makes for a great exercise in cinematic uselessness.